Coffee kills kittens

When I was a kid, I was afraid of anything that might be the slightest bit good for my health.  I avoided eating anything green, soy, or low-fat like it was poison, which was very difficult given my mother's persistence in buying food rich in vitamins and hiding it in my sugar.  She would cook broccoli into my brownies and carrots into my cake!  The nerve!  In retaliation, I decided I would mask everything even remotely good for me in sugar.  Every morning when I got a bowl of Chex, it was saturated in enough sugar that looking at it made one feel the onset of diabetes.
     "Are we having corn tonight mother?  Could you please pass the sugar?  No...just give me the bag."

You may be wondering to yourself, "Joshua, dear sir, what does this have to do with coffee?"  Well, I've noticed a growing trend in the coffee industry that harkens back to my days as a kid cracked out on sugar.  I believe that many people think coffee is good for them.  So, in keeping with their childhood rebellions, they want to cover the nasty coffee up with large amounts of unhealthy stuff.  A large, extra-sweet, carmel, vanilla, hazelnut, and white-chocolate mocha isn't a drink; it's unresolved childhood angst.

The obvious solution to this pandemic is to conduct a massive campaign aimed at helping coffee drinkers confront their personal aversion to eating healthy food, but I think there is a subtle solution that should not be ignored.  We should just make everyone think that coffee is really unhealthy.  Think about it.  Cigarette boxes have pictures of black lungs on the front that tell you "beware of the smokey death contained in this package" and people love them.  Humans are actually very self destructive.  If the front of every coffee shop in America had a picture of a cracked-out hobo with brown teeth that read, "this is your life on coffee and -plus- coffee kills kittens," we would be fighting the customers off with a stick.  So the next time you're in a coffee shop, don't cover up the taste of your coffee with sugar or excessive amounts of milk.  Just remember that coffee kills kittens and I promise it will satisfy your sadistic craving for sugary death.  Heck, it's so bad for you that you might even want to quit smoking just to balance things out.

OMG! They're dead!

A few days ago, I made a latte with dead shots.  They weren't even old shots.  They weren't on their last legs, in need of a transfusion, or on life support in critical condition.  They were dead.  For those of you who aren't cued into coffee lingo, a dead shot has supposedly become gross and decomposition-y after having been made and let to sit.  Some people say they go dead after 30 seconds and some say a minute.  The point is that apparently shots of espresso have the life span of a mayfly, but back to my original point.  I made a drink with dead-as-a-mayfly shots and it tasted suprisingly similar to the ones I had made with fresh shots.  Actually it tasted the exact same.  This got me thinking about what actually makes a shot "die."

In reality, there are only a couple of things that happen to espresso over the course of a few minutes.  First, the crema or foam that sits on top of the espresso reintegrates with the liquid.  Crema, on its own, contains some of the best flavors and aromatic qualities of the espresso in high concentrations.  Drinking it straight can be overwhelming but, it stands to reason, that having the crema reintegrate might actually be a good thing.  Second, the espresso cools down.  The temperature of espresso has a lot to do with how we taste the various flavors contained within it and, in fact, our taste buds have many microscopic channels called TRPM5 that increase the bud's sensitivity at higher temperatures.  If, however, espresso passes a certain temperature (the exact temperature being unique to every person) it will burn our tongues and greatly decrease our ability to taste.  Given that espresso typically comes out of the machine at about 200 degrees Fahrenheit, a fresh shot can easily burn off our ability to taste its liquid-y goodness or numb us to its heave-worthy horrible-ness.  In essence, a shot that has sat for about a minute may actually be a better representation of the espresso than a fresh one.

I don't know how the rumor of "dead shots" got started but I do know if you work at a shop that serves poor coffee (or poorly serves great coffee) it would be advantageous to let people drink the shots hot.  That way their burnt taste buds won't be able to tell them that they're drinking something awful.

Tasting coffee

Yesterday I received a response to my post on why you should drink straight espresso shots.  The response in question commented that I should do a blog on how to tell a good shot from a bad one and what to look for as far as taste in espresso.  I have to admit, I'm embarrassed that I didn't think to include that information within the post and decided to correct the error.  Here it goes:

There are five things that we can taste on our tongue.  Bitterness, saltiness, sour-ness, and sweetness are the ones that most people are familiar with.  The one you may not be familiar with is called umami, though, you have most-likely tasted it.  This taste can best be described as savory or meaty such as you would taste in soy sauce or cheese.  This taste is commonly associated with aged or fermented foods.  Along with these five tastes, we can also feel body and acidity on our tongues.  When it comes to body, think about the difference between 2% milk and half and half.  One feels thicker or heavier on your tongue because one has more body.  Acidity is essentially the sensation of dryness that the coffee leaves under the edges of your tongue and on the back of your palate.  If you drink wine, think about how a pinot gris enters your mouth, and, while the tastes in your mouth absorb, you'll be able to understand a high acidity.

These five different tastes plus body are going to be the main basis for evaluating a shot of espresso for quality.  A good shot should have a balance of all five tastes.  Some espresso may taste sweeter or heavier than others but you should still be able to taste all five.  In a bad shot of espresso, one of these tastes will drastically overpower the others.  The most common example is a shot that tastes very sour.  If it tastes so sour that you cannot taste any sweetness, then the shot was not pulled correctly.  As a side note, the creamy, brown stuff on top of your shot is called "crema;" which a good shot should have, but it will maintain a sour taste to it.  The crema adds substance, or body, to your shot of espresso. You may want to swish the coffee a little in your cup or sip under the crema to avoid having a lot of it in your mouth without much of the espresso.  You can also use these principles to evaluate regular coffee.  The next time you have a cup, think about what you are tasting in the coffee, how the five tastes work with each other, and what kind of body and acidity you feel in your mouth.

You may be thinking to yourself, "Hey Josh, I've heard people refer to coffee as tasting nutty or floral.  Where does that come in?"  First of all, stop interrupting me when I'm writing.  Secondly, the taste buds on our tongues are not the only things interacting with the coffee when we're tilting back that cup of joe.  Our sense of smell is what gives us a nutty or fruity sensation.  So, along with taste, the next time you're in your favorite coffee shop, take a good whiff of the coffee before you drink it.  You can also help amplify this sensation by making really annoying sipping noises.  As you sip, the coffee turns to a kind of mist which spreads it across your whole tongue and sends some fragrances up your nose.  I recommend this method because it makes people stare at you at which point you can explain how you're tasting the coffee and impress everyone with your extensive knowledge.

Before I go, I'd also like to address a concern I commonly hear as a working barista.  The concern has to do with how the perfect shot of espresso is pulled or how the perfect cup of coffee can be brewed.  You see, there are all sorts of industry standards that try to address this question.  Some say that you should use "so much coffee" or the shots should come out in "this" much time.  However, at the end of the day, taste is what really matters.  If you brew me a cup of coffee in a butter churn and it has good balance and flavor then more power to you.  I'm not against standards but if you're the kind of person who goes into a coffee shop and complains because the shots took 30 seconds instead of 26, then you should taste the shots and, if they aren't balanced, go ahead and complain.  But if your shots are balanced and full of flavor then shut up and enjoy your coffee.  To everybody else: have fun with your new-found knowledge and try lots of coffee!

Straight. No chaser.

I think that you should try drinking a straight shot of espresso.  Well, correction, you should try drinking a good shot of espresso.  I'd like to make something clear about myself right away:  I do not drink espresso for pleasure.  I'm not a person that generally enjoys how espresso tastes.  I would even go so far as to say that most people (including most baristas) don't generally drink espresso for fun.  I think there is a common myth that people who drink espresso are in a class of coffee drinker that makes them akin to Buddhist monks in their dedication to coffee.  They spend their entire day recycling, eating tofu, and drinking espresso.  This, however, is not the case.  These people don't enjoy drinking espresso but they do like good espresso and, believe me, there is a distinct difference.  I remember trying espresso for the first time a few years ago.  I cringed and griped and whined.  It tasted like drinking a moldy Gusher but, since I was about to become a barista, I felt unnaturally obligated to continue drinking it.  Every time that I went to a new coffee shop, I would order an espresso and squint through at least two sips before I threw it away and waterlogged myself.  I also remember the first time that I tried a good shot of espresso.  I went through my usual pre-espresso routine.  I loosened up my muscles, smelled the drink to warn my stomach that it was not going to like what was about to happen, and then plugged my nose while I sipped.  The difference that time was the distinct lack of sour-ness and bitterness.  It tasted sweet and spicy at the same time.  It was an intense taste experience and I loved it.

A person that loves espresso is a little like a person that loves to go wine tasting.  They may not enjoy guzzling box wine but they do enjoy the depth of flavor contained in an exquisitely prepared wine.  Did you know that a good wine can contain up to 400 distinct flavors in every sip?  Did you also know that a good espresso can contain up to 600 distinct flavors?  When you drink a well prepared espresso, it should taste like an explosion of flavors in your mouth and not a literal explosion.  That is why almost nobody that drinks espresso enjoys just any couple of shots thrown their way.  So you should try to drink espresso; not just any espresso.  You should try really good espresso.